As each day presents its own challenges and troubles, I am presented with the opportunity to do one of two things. I can choose to look at the positive or negative side of the situation at hand. I can choose to say to myself when I look in the mirror, "I am beautiful," even if I do not feel very good or my skin shows otherwise. Thankfully, feelings are not facts.
When I was younger, I thought differently. I used to be a size 12 in pants and almost reached a 14. I wanted so badly to lose weight, yet when I exercised I felt sluggish, and sometimes the sweat burned my eczema. Between the negative emotions I felt about myself and not being realistic about how long it would take for me to accomplish my workout goals, I felt defeated often. This attitude affected my posture, diet, grades, and how I spent my time. Whenever gym class was scheduled or I decided I wanted to work out, I would get so anxious that I felt sick. This became so normal for me that I thought everyone felt this way. Who would have thought such an attitude in its subtlety could drive such actions?
One evening before bed, I got frustrated with feeling sad and defeated. I realized I had to believe for myself that I was beautiful, and not wait for someone else to say it. I realized that if I didn't believe I was beautiful now, what would it take for me to believe it in the future? More importantly, God created me in His image. His word says that "I am fearfully and wonderfully made." (Psalm 139:14) If I am made in God's image, and He loves me dearly, who am I to say that I don't like my body? If God made me, surely it's an insult to the artist to reject his artwork. Whoops!
I made a choice that night to accept that truth and decided every night from then on to list off three things I was thankful for about my body. The only rules were: no repeats, it had to be out loud, and I had to mean it. It was hard at first, but I noticed as the days went on that I felt happier, even though there wasn't a difference in my weight. I also found myself listing off the things I was thankful for when I started to compare myself to others. I found myself smiling more, and being happy for people for whom I previously felt jealous of. What a difference!
As the years passed and doctors recommended certain diets for my skin, I was confronted with the perceptions and limiting beliefs I had with healthy eating. Being overweight, I didn't think I belonged in the fresh food section. I thought it was for snobs and preppy people. I thought I would be judged, just like at the gym. I didn't realize I thought this way until I realized how anxious I felt when I thought about shopping there. How often do the quiet fears act as bumpers in our lives from the good things that God has for us? As I faced my fear in the store as I did with the mirror, the more I stepped out in faith and claimed these spaces my own, the more I triumphed. In giving myself permission to belong, I gained a freedom from needing approval.
What I have found over the years is that what I say and how I think is an affirmation of the beliefs stored up in my unconscious mind. If I am truly content and thankful, I will have a heart of gladness and be grateful. If I am afraid, I will make excuses and procrastinate. I can choose to focus on the opportunity with a solution, or I can focus on the problem and waste time. I can choose to be happy for someone's success or great wardrobe, or I can be jealous, and waste time trying to be a copy-cat and seeking approval. I still struggle with workout anxiety, but by telling myself positive truths about who I am in Christ it has gotten easier and more enjoyable.
Here is a list of affirmations I think each of us could use a little more of on a daily basis. How you view yourself, friends, family, work, and environment will ultimately reveal itself in the health of those relationships. My challenge to you is to be intentional and proactive today in the way that you talk, think, and act. We are not meant to live in defeat: we are meant to live in victory. I believe that as we put our trust and hope in Jesus and lean on His strength, we can have victory over all things, even those that seem impossible.
Grace & Peace