The following images are very difficult to share and put into the universe. After all, who wants to put photos of their worst day out for all to see? Let alone voluntarily on the internet!
Being in sales, an image-based profession, I have been reluctant to release these out of fear that it will cripple my career. In this time of healing, I have developed a new lens to see this not as an obstacle, but as a stepping stone to show the world not only what I have overcome but how great God’s faithfulness is. Any glory is due to Christ and Christ alone.
I am stepping out in faith and humbly trusting God to use this story for His will and to give hope to others. At 24 years old, when I could not turn my head or lift a coffee pot because of the cuts in my broken skin, I would cry out to Jesus: asking for him to hear and heal me in the pain. Every time he met me there. And while the symptoms may not have changed, my soul was encouraged. Friend, if you take nothing else from this post, please know that God will never leave you. He is with you and is redeeming your story. You are not beyond his reach.
I submit these pictures not for attention but to help those who may be on a similar path to know they are not alone. One of the hardest parts, when this began, was finding the right photo references. My experience as an eczema patient has often made me feel like a guinea pig: always feeling like I am being tested on or experimented with for therapy. “Let’s see if this works.” was all too common from medical staff.
It’s so obvious now looking back: I was showing signs of addiction for two years before the withdrawal started in October of 2016. What this looked like was unexplainable patches of eczema on parts of my body (that never had issues) that never went away, and grew to take over sections of my body. The response from my dermatologist was cortisone shots and larger quantities of my typical steroid cream with the hope of kicking the “eczema flares” to the curb. (see the link above for more details)
The following is shared with the hope of not letting this pain and suffering go to waste, but to give hope, encouragement, and a future to those on a similar path. Topical Steroid Withdrawal is no joke, and I tip my hat to anyone going through it personally, or caring for a child or loved one withdrawing from steroids. You are warriors and hidden heroes in our society. Caretakers sacrifice so much to love on those who are going through withdrawal and need support, too. I see you, rockstar, and you are doing marvelous!
I have healed tremendously and live a fairly normal life today compared to when this first started. My husband and I have grown so much deeper in our love and marriage because of this experience. While there are hard days physically, there is also so much good being sown that will come out of this. Know that you are not alone and that organizations like ITSAN are working diligently to raise awareness in the medical community about this. Please reach out to me if you have any questions, as it would be a delight to answer them.
May you receive peace and know that you are loved infinitely beyond measure today.
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**The following images are graphic and should be viewed with discretion.**
As a reminder, what you are seeing is not eczema: this is my body’s reaction to not having topical corticosteroids to treat the eczema.
The images start in the summer of 2015 and progress to April of 2020. The first photo of my back is from October of 2016, when I began withdrawal unintentionally. I don’t have photos from 2014, but the rash you see on my back (photo 4) appeared as a small patch below my left shoulder blade. It slowly grew over a year to the photos you see here in 2015. In October of 2016 I just decided to stop putting my topical corticosteroid cream on for a month, and the following is what happened come November. And yes, I still managed to sell real estate and lead a non-profit during all of this. God’s grace is sustaining, that’s for sure! At the time of writing this article, I am still healing, but these days are much better when the withdrawal first began. I am hopeful for the days to come.
Also, my husband is an answer to prayers I never knew to pray and the real MVP behind all of this. Imagine putting lotion on your wife when her back looks like this. Yep, my man did that voluntarily and so much more. Joshua, I love you and am so grateful to have you in my life. Thank you for cherishing me, holding my face in your hands and looking deep into my eyes like nothing has changed even on my most hideous of days. I don’t deserve you, but am so thankful God saw fit to pair us together. Thank you also to my parents, brother, family, co-workers, clients, and very close friends who stuck with me during these very hard years. I know it’s not been easy to understand and it’s required a lot of grace, but I have appreciated our relationship more than you know.
